Ten Ways to Invalidate

Emotional invalidation is a form of gaslighting. Here are some examples of how this might look in the workplace, and how to do better.

When a worker gets emotional at work, colleagues and bosses may make things worse by invalidating their feelings and perceptions. Sometimes this is intentional gaslighting, but other times this happens due to discomfort with emotion, or deficits in emotional intelligence. Either way, it creates an emotionally unsafe environment.

Here are some ways workers and bosses gaslight their employees through emotional invalidation:

1. Passing Tissues When a Worker Cries

Tough stuff happens at work, so people might cry at times! An aggressive customer, an inappropriate comment by a colleague, being passed over for a promotion — these are just some examples of what might make someone cry at work. Passing tissues can be received as a kind gesture, but sometimes it seems to say, “Okay now, stop crying.”

It’s nice to have Kleenex around so that people can reach them if they want, but often it’s much more helpful to sit silently and let someone cry. Crying is a great way to release emotions. Not rushing tears makes people feel reassured that their feelings are a normal reaction to whatever has happened to them. The solution-focused conversation can happen later.